So, I came home after a hangout, which was eating dinner at my Pal's fave chinese restaurant, which weirdly reminds me more of CY then him because I went there with CY the last day before he flew back home, I went online to the facebook site, and found him being online. I missed him, so I sent a simple "hey" message. I didn't get a respond for several minutes as TW was giggling as she watched old episodes of Ally McBeal on my tv, but then....I received an email...from CY.
I opened it and it contained the play he said he was writing, with detailed description of several scenes which was based on the conversations between me and him, and as I continued reading....he popped up on facebook, said Hi back and we end up chatting for more than 2 hours, about very serious topics, no more hows the weather crap......about love, future children, ideal mates, men expectations in women and vice versa. We ended...well, I ended the chat at 2am in the morning, 4am Cyprus time because my brain was over loaded with philosophical information (which I didn't tell him for course, he might think I'm too brainless to have a decent conversation with).
From the so called "pure and innocent (a.k.a immature)" conversations I usually share with my Pal, I have moved to the total opposite Man, who questions everything in life, including religion. Although, he knows how sensitive I can be about mine......he never made another weird joke again regarding my beliefs.
As for the play, it has his personality written all over it, which was nice to see. He is indeed a great writer. But I also discovered one thing.....his pride and arrogance against everything else on this planet is not quite a quality I adore in a man. But I'm still getting to know him, so who knows all this is just his shield to the world.
Oh, I talked to LCG last night, well, we chatted...and finally told her that I still keep in touch with CY, she was surprised but told me that he sent her his play as well. Suddenly, I feel less important to him, but then again, they were house mates and friend long before I popped in the picture.
CY emailed me...about two days ago, when I was over my head missing him. He apologizes for not emailing me earlier because he was busy, and then told me what he was up to. He is currently writing his first theatre play and cannot wait to send it to me so I can give him some advice. I really like the fact that we are both writers and that he considers me someone he can go to for writing discussion. He also commented about the fact I was looking for a shared flat with his friend, who is also from Cyprus, and said "maybe one of you will fall in love with the other, since that's what always happen in movies." I'm not sure what that comment meant, although he did sound a bit nervous about me getting too close to his friend.
Earlier that day, I got an email from my Pal. That mail made me realized how different we are from each other. I emailed him, reporting about mail arriving for him at home, and letting him know about my new place in London, how the house hunting thing went.....and he emailed back basically two lines, saying "thanks for checking my email and good luck in London". And this, people...is the guy that spun my head around and made me cry thousand of gallons of tears.
I'm packing, and ready to say goodbye to the small town that's been my home for the last two years. I'm sure it's not the final goodbye yet, especially since CY is still studying here for another year.
I found a flat in London last weekend, after viewing a few horrifying places all over the big city. We went to tons of different neighborhoods, which includes the Jewish community.....(which I thought was quite fascinating because I've never seen their whole attire before, the hats and all that), the Pakistani muslim community, the African Carribean community and the White community, so to speak. TW and I wanted to get a place with another Guy from Cyprus, who happens to be CY close friend, but finding a 3 bedroom flat in the area that he wanted, was impossible.
I came back home to find piles of mail, and as instructed by my Pal, I opened his mail to see if something important for him was there. Just a threat from the mobile phone company regarding him not paying the bill....he didn't managed to cancel the service before moving back home but pulled all his money from his bank account. Today though, there was a notice from the bank, saying that his sister just send him 100pounds. I looked at that piece of paper for a few seconds, totally confused. A lot of things passed my mind, but only one really scared me. What if he comes back, for whatever reason (traveling?) He hasn't been gone for a month but I'm already letting go and with the whole move to London in two weeks, I'm more than ready to start the next big step of my life. He made me hate myself.....so having him in my life, even for a few more moments is really not my priority anymore. I gave him too much love, attention and affection I could, and I'm done.
As for CY, Mr. Incommunicato, even after I left a message of silliness on his facebook, I still miss. I still think about him dearly, terribly. I kept thinking we could have something real here. Where are you?
I told myself that I won’t contact my pal until he activates his facebook account. Two days ago, it happened. I’m not sure at all if it’s because of me, but he did kept in touch with everybody but me….so I might have something to do with it after all.
After feeling a bit cheery that he finally caved in and join the rest of the human population on facebook, I looked up his profile….and found out he added me and CY at the exact same time. SHIT!!!, I thought. CY and I leave each other silly messages all over facebook and now my Pal can see it. On the other hand, it might be good that he knows that my life without him functions quite well.
Will be in London for the rest of the week, flat-hunting with TW. My dearly beloved housemate who slowly drives me up the wall. Every single day she freaks out about the same old thing….us not being able to get a job, losing money once we move to London or not being able to find a house at all. She admired my calmness…..to which I responded that I cannot do anything regarding anything. There is no problem, so I cannot try to fix it. Let’s just see the apartments and keep job hunting, and if we’re still in this place in September, then I’ll freak out with you., which thankfully, managed to calm her down.
So, CY hasn't emailed me back...it's been over a week now. I'm not emailing back either, can't seem to find a reasonable topic. TW and I have been busy burning dvd's of our showreel to send out to production companies in London. We will move there for sure in August, and will go there next week to look for a 2 bedroom house/flat.
Besides that, my Pal has been very much in contact with everybody. TW send him a text when he left, hoping he might turn his cell on, which he did. He texted her back and also told her: "Please say hi to Dita as well." I didn't respond to it.
Sunday night, as I was catering a wedding, I missed CY terribly....but when I got home, I received an email from my Pal, well, he send it to me and all the people that dedicate a song and record the voice message for him, and he babbled how he thinks "all this separation is just the beginning of our relationship." I still haven't responded to the email until now, as TW has been in contact with him daily through email. She doesn't quite understand why I keep my distance, but doesn't force me to email my Pal back.
The truth is, during his last week here, and the first week after he left, I was still high on drugs (metaphorically) with CY. CY made me so happy that I overlooked the fact of how I feel about my Pal. Then, around Saturday....I start getting sober because I lost contact with CY, and all of the sudden (and all the time), I kept getting flashbacks of all the awful things my Pal did to me, how badly he treated me, especially during the last couple of months.....and how now he acted like everything was fine, even after my very honest card and voice message I left him.
Now, I'm again.....sad, angry and upset about things that have past. Why?
I just, I cannot make myself to send him an email, I just can't. I feel so much hurt and pain at the moment........
Don't wanna get into details. My Pal left last Monday, on a 6am train to the nearest airport. I took him to the train station although I haven't slept for two days because of the workload. We didn't say much to each other regarding ourselves....but I did give him a card. We hugged on the train, which was the longest hug we ever had, he left, his last words was "See you soon!" and I went home by taxi. The second I arrive at my bedroom, I cried myself to sleep....woke up a few hours later and told TW about what went down....and again cried. But that was it. TW's Greek Boyfriend left that day also, and we end up turning my Pal's bedroom into a tv room and watched all episodes of Entourage while giggling.
CY emailed me also that day, which might have helped drying my tears, and said how amazed he was with me trying to listen to Marilyn Manson, although I'm very conservative (I never claimed to be, but that's what people kept saying). I emailed CY back that night but haven't received any email back until now. I'm not sure I'm expecting now. If this distraction was this short lived, I'm still eternally grateful because without CY's presence, messages and email, I would have probably still crying myself to sleep..........
To my Pal, it was a pleasure knowing you, you were the only guy that made me feel so weak. Which I know now, is actually not good, for me or for you.
I'll miss you for sure, but don't expect you to keep in touch.
