So, someone said to me a few days ago, regarding CY's return to England that I should trust my gut instinct when it comes to him. Well, he came back yesterday, but only got online tonight. He did not call, text or said hi to me first online. I'm the one that sent him an IM message about 2 hours ago, which then turned into a 2 hour chat about everything under the sun. He explained his days at home, bla...bla, yet offered no explanation on NOT replying my emails for two weeks, or anything about missing nor wanting to see me. He just said bye, because he wanted to get back to his book, and my gut has a very specific feeling at the moment. This guys does not like me...I mean, he is interested in me because I'm so completely different from him (I'm religious, kinda...he is not, I'm conservative...he's sexually obnoxious) but that's about it.
Bye CY......nice conversing with you.
So, I still miss my Pal.....bugger. I will probably miss him forever and always. But I'm still not making a move, he needs to make the first move of reconciliation this time.
Regarding Mr.Cyprus, he will be back in England this weekend, but strangely hasn't return my email, yet again. He should be alive and well though, atleast that's what I hear from LCG, who he communicates with. I don't know what's wrong or what went wrong, if my last email about fasting and all that freaked him out or if he just simply lost interest in our conversing....beats me. I guess I will find out soon enough.
The strangest thing is, I can actually feel him, especially when I'm working...I can feel him, sense him, which is very odd in general but also for the fact that I don't really know this guy very well....so it's probably my too wild imagination kicking in.
So I came home from work yesterday afternoon, after a long day of serving people coffee and food. I turned on my laptop as I chatted with TW about how my day was when I saw it in my mailbox.......an email, the long awaited email from CY, titled "Better Late then Never". I actually have stopped hoping for any form of contact from him, afraid he might just simply bored of me or something, so it was a nice surprise after working all day.
Apparently, he was quite sick and couldn't email me simply for that reason. I read through his email multiple times, where he explained exactly all the emotions he felt during his sickness, which led to him fainting and being brought to the hospital. He then assured me that he was feeling much better after all the medication the doctors gave him.
I replied him right away, which I have never done before, out of pride...mostly, but he was sick, so...I wanted to express my concern. I can't believe he will be back by the end of this month. I mean, I don't live in the same city another, but somehow I'm still hoping we will see each other. Will we?
Another thing that happened to me yesterday, at work, one of my managers came to me as I was polishing glasses in the glass room and said he needed to talk to me, privately. So, we did. He said that I'm making great progress in my work and that I will be getting more shifts as they trust me to do the job right. He also said that starting January 2009, should I still need more shifts, he can help me get work at the Royal Albert Hall, since he knows people there. As he talked, I just smiled along while thinking "as much as I'm actually enjoying this, I'm not interested in making this my career. My parents did not support me to become a waitress in hospitality". But it was really nice of him though. I mean, in a way, he was supporting me, right?
The last thing, this morning, as I woke up, my Pal was online. Chatting to TW. I was instantly bothered although I have been completely fine for the last couple of days. But seeing his online button on my messenger just drove me mad, so I did what do best. I deleted it. He had two IM ID and I deleted both. I also talked to TW that if he ask, don't tell him about anything going on in my life. If he wants to know, he can ask me directly. I did the same thing, although TW was chatting away with him, for the first time, I did not ask her about what it was all about.
Damn it, I actually thought I was completely over the hurt and pain, but apparently, every little thing can still spark the anger in me.
Please make it go away.
I shouldn't complain. I should be happy to have a job to help me pay the rent and bills, making me more and more financially independent, although the job is far from my MA studies and I only work three times a week. On Monday, I started working as a waitress at a Banqueting Hall, a very fancy one, with two days of training where I had to learn costumer service, the history of the building and how to fold the napkins.
The not so exciting thing was, the first day of work was the first day of the fasting month. And my first shift was 6pm till closing, so I broke my fast 3 hours earlier, ate at home of the fear of passing out during work because I might not get a break for dinner..... Everything went fine, and the food is excellent, unlike most English meals. I got another shift on Wednesday, during the day, and it was torture as well, since I serve people drinks and food as I'm unable to consume anything during the day. TW has been supportive, although she doesn't approve with the fact that we're not even allowed to drink during fasting period. She changed her eating schedule to mine, which was cute, so we still eat dinner at the same time.
My manager at work is nice.....and if I was not into someone at the moment, I might develop a small crush on him, but my thoughts are still far far away in Cyprus. He'll be back in England in about two weeks, so it's kinda nerve wrecking for me. Why? Well, expectations can be a very dangerous thing. Maybe I'm expecting that our emails and chats will turn into something more once he comes back, but will it be just as sweet? We only had 1 phone conversations ever, and I called him for production reasons, so we were not really talking about personal stuff.....so, the anxiety of longing for him for the last three months might turn into a huge disappointment when we finally realize we don't have that much in common or to talk about.
