So, after that awkward wedding chat we had, CY and I didn't chat for 3 days, I think. I didn't contact him first, I was holding back, although I wanted to tell him how my belly dancing class went and all that, but I held back. And after 3 days, he popped up, IM me about Borat. He just finished watching it and thought of me.....nice huh. Well, the last time we saw it was when we were hanging out at my neighbors house, about 8 months ago. He was sitting across from me and during the film (which horrified me, btw) we kept teasing each other, and that's the night all of our classmate realized that there might be something more between us. We discussed Borat and many other stuff until he wanted to get back to his book, and now, we chat daily again...as usual. We even finally exchange numbers the other night. We have known each other for 1 year, but never exchange phone numbers, talking about weird, huh.
So, we're gonna see each other in about 2 weeks, and I'm kinda putting myself in too much pressure over it. 1, my family might be there with me, and well....it couldn't get more awkward. 2, some classmates will also be present, alongside LCG who (I hope) does not know my feelings for CY. I mean, I need to act cool, but within that one meeting also have to figure out how he feels and where we actually stand with each other.
I'm really truly nervous about the meeting!!!!!!!!!!!
So, CY and I chat daily now.....
And these last couple of days, the topics has been slightly head spinning. The other night, since TW "finally" broke up with her Greek Guy, we talked about relationships, how he would know for certain if the girls he is with is for fun or forever, what his criterias are in a woman, how she has to be beautiful, smart, wise, nurturing (to their future children), which made me feel totally completely awkward and slightly judged. It made me sleep a bit restless.....thinking about "Do I fit in those categories?"
Tonight, just now, the topic was deeper and even more serious sounding. About marriage. We started from graduation, which then somewhat slipped into a marriage topic, with him saying how he would just sign a marriage license in the city hall, which crushed my heart to pieces. Odd, I know. He then ask me how I envisioned my wedding to be, and I told him about certain details that should be there, and how I always want all the silly little stuff I've dreamed about for the longest time. Of course, he didn't get it, and said that the wedding is one day, but marriage will be for the rest of your life, bla...bla....
That's how the chat ended, hahaha, he hasn't said anything again for the last 10 minutes. Awkward silence, as they say.
So, I continued to develop a "chat" relationship and feelings for CY, one chat when I was in Germany for Eid, when my naughty Bro-in-law started chatting him up and it turned into an hour long chat. I do love chatting with him, he even implied "pay me a visit" (those were his exact words), but I kinda played hard to get....
That night, I also wrote a long email to my Pal, along the lines of "trying to press the refresh button on our friendship" , and when I was in Amsterdam the next day and checked my email, he replied. It was an awkward email, and he was very cool and snippish, as he always is after we have a fight. He usually remains like that until I coax him over and over again and in about two weeks or so, things will turn back to normal, but as I sat there, looking at the foreign computer screen in a small hotel in Amsterdam, I realized that maybe our friendship session had expired. I didn't feel the need to coax him, nor to tel him anything anymore, and obviously, he was still disregarding me by continue sending our film to festival without any notice to me, and the fact that he spent 4 days drinking and gambling in Hongkong was the perfect icing on the cake. This is not the person I should have broken my heart for...he is obviously not worth all the pain and heartache. But I never regretted sending that email, since Eid is all about forgiveness, I made my peace with myself, and now, everytime I pass by a Thai Restaurant, I no longer feel nauseous and my thoughts no longer go to him.
Now, after I came back from Amsterdam, I went straight to work, and TW's Greek Guy arrived. So, I left them by themselves, so they can be all lovey dovey, which went terribly wrong. She came to my room every night, crying her eyes out because they kept fighting...bla...bla...and I sat there, trying hard to be sympathetic, but was honestly annoyed. She has abandon all housework and kinda ignoring me since he arrived, while I was working 8 hours per day and still managed to figure out the housebills, clean and cook, and she still wants my full attention when she needs it, it's a bit hard to feel sorry for her at times.
Regarding CY, after a week of no contact (I've always chatted him up first) and a boy's insight from my Kuwaiti friend who adviced me "Don't throw yourself at him", which honestly pissed me off to pieces, since I would never even consider that, CY said "hi" three days ago, which then turned into a 3 hour chat about anything under the sun. Our ultimate record yet. He even managed to convince me to finally installed MSN messenger so he can send me the silly winks.....
I can't wait to see him in November, I have to wait just a bit longer, although I have no problem jumping on a train to him at any given time, I should not throw myself at him, right?
On another note, I like my coworkers, and they seem to be alright with me....and although the job is exhausting, it has it's good side. I get proper food and delicious desserts everytime I'm at work and get to spend time with people who are as sweet as hell. Sure, there are the bad ones, as in any other work places, but I keep quite and alerted around them, not there to make any enemies, just enough money to pay the rent and have fun with. I'm hosting a potluck party in two weeks for the closest and dearest at the flat, which will be a lot of fun for sure, can't wait. Oh, for a change, I told CY about it first before telling TW, who is still fulltime preoccupied with her Greek Guy. But knowng they might have to break-up soon because he has to go to military service for two years, my feeling sorry level goes up and up.
